Proposing SIlence

The world has changed, and I am different. I am much older now. I must be, with the baggage I have collected along the last year. I've been away, I've come back, I've been in London studying, I have left. Final work, exhibition, Christmas, end. End.
I am aware this site looks incomplete, that the person who made it has moved on, and I don't know how to fix the frays in it's fabric. I don't know if this matters, if the work I love takes this form too. Is the facade the best bit? The pictures of me looking blonde and young and how I was 3 years ago smattered across something as you read it? It is far too timely that I should be absent altogether. Just a few Instagram shots from last April lingering on it, a trace of something I leave behind.
Who am I but words and actions. For those who wonder, my hair is dark blonde, grown out and then fashioned into a fringe. The ends are still as blonde as the pictures that hang around. My physique is similar, can't seem to lose much, but neither will I really gain. Always around a size 10 where my shoulders and hips are concerned. Is my face the same? Mostly. Maybe I am older to look at, I don't know. I guess I am still 24, the lines shouldn't quite show yet.
It feels good to blend. It's what I wanted. I wanted my hair to grow, no more shocking colours, no more vibrancy. Just a young, unthreatening woman, pale and quiet travelling through life in silence. There is so much noise. I have learnt over the last year that I need quiet more and more. Studying sound, it seems, can do that to you. I wear earplugs more, day or night. Weird to others, I'm sure. So many people love the crashing and the clutter and the shouting each day brings. The noise outside your window merging with the chaos of your personal space. I love music, I love dancing and socialising and being around everyday calamity just as much as the next person, but that controlled quiet once a day, in sleep or in calm, is very important I have found. Silence, though never complete, is essential to balancing your life.
I propose a quiet new year for myself, though not my desired career path, I am grateful for my job being here in the overlapping period, where I can think, gain some kind of hold over my finances, and dream perhaps of what I might do next. I might lose a little weight perhaps, I'd would like to be better at my pole dancing, and I believe my deadlifts haven't quite come yet due to a little excess weight on my lower half.
I miss London and my friends. I miss talking in a certain way to people, I miss the challenge. I miss the quiet. Always the quiet? London isn't quiet, but it allows you to live in constant company, whilst being in the silence of your own self. I could put ear plugs in and wander the streets, and I don't think anyone would ever know. One minute we are too introverted as people, the next we are too extroverted, but I see it as a constant collaboration. Perhaps a refined form of presence. One thing I discovered is everyone knows personal space, and that in itself allows for selective hearing; a chance for your own silence.