Kind Shoves

The heat of the sun glaring through the long airport corridors almost made me yearn to run back. Nostalgic of my trip to Florida, I felt alone and reckless. Giddy excitement mixed with apprehension filled me as I walked towards the means to my escape. I felt as if the weight of our end was imminent, that this might be the last time I go to Geneva holding his hand. Who knows what could drag him from me in the months where he chases his dreams and I trip over mine. My last plane journey I was alone, the weather was poor on take off and I almost didn't even notice I was going far away. Too consumed by fairytales and the exam I had just stumbled through, I had been unable to quite grip the realism of the situation. But there I was with him, grumpy with grief, going to the fantasy that is Switzerland.
I felt angry with myself for my mixed feelings, and apologised profusely to my other half through my gruff comments and teary sniffs as we landed. Even a bystander felt it suitable to point out "how do you cope with her?". A fair statement I think. But the truth is he didn't have to cope with me anymore, and that's what I can't stop choking on. He's moving back here indefinitely.
The world is changing. I achieved a 2:1 which I found out just before this trip, something I cry about one minute and another it slaps a huge grin across my face. I did it. But the feeling of unfulfilment still hangs off my aura. I wasn't scared til I sat alone in my room in brighton. The faded timetables on my wall. The empty beer bottles by my bed and the dust on my piano.
Theres nothing left in this place except the small life I formed.
The people are gone or going. And through the forces surrounding me I have been convinced to go home. But what about the control I had? The seal of my existence that I forged in this place of opportunity?
It must be made again, somewhere else. Home will be purgatory. It will be the limbo I stay in before I move on.
I'm not going to have a 20-something meltdown. Existential crises are for people who have nothing else to worry about. I haven't the time or resources to waste anyway. You've got to run to keep up, no time for a rest or gentle jog. Our fast-track mentality has taken procrastination away from the entrepreneurs and innovators. Think now and work now. This is why I admire the words of Bob Lefsetz, a well known music blogger, so much. He is firm and he is frank about the speed and fragility of our time. Yes, a few find him a little too strong-minded from what I have heard, but I can't help but respect that about him. I receive his posts through my email and I feel reassured.
I had a few wonderful adventures during my time in Geneva, the relaxation and comfort provided by my boyfriend's family was incredible and I soon relaxed and forgot my insecurities. No one is leaving anyone behind. We are merely progressing, and giving each other kind shoves while we do it.