A Strong Woman

I began writing this for my last post, but then felt it deserved its own space, as it is something really important I want to get out.

Something my views have changed about over the last year is female body image. I find it fascinating that there are two quite distant ideals of what is 'meant to be attractive'. One side seems to love the lanky, slender, toneless and quite frail females as role-models, and then on the other end in the media the ideals turn to very vast busted and bottomed ladies who are practically falling out of their clothes. I, and a lot of people I know have never really fit into either of these categories. But what I want to talk about is not quite a slander at what people find hot, or tell any of these girls off for their figures, because in most cases they are not a matter of choice. I more want to say a word about being safe and feeling confident with who you are.
I see girls close to naked every other day in their pole/gym gear, and I cannot stress more strongly that strength is beauty and safety.
Some girls find it terrifying to enter new social situations, walk down a street they aren't used to, or come to an event which pulls them out of their comfort zones. Others find it exhilarating, love the risk, and power through, often quite recklessly.
For either of these women, in any of these situations, the key is to be aware of the risks and to be prepared. As a young girl, I seemed more drawn to activities that involved defence, strength, and a backbone. Perhaps it was the strong influence of having brothers, and a father who wanted his daughter to be able to hold herself. I took Taekwondo up with my older brother, and trained for a few years as a little girl. He achieved his black-belt, and I was only a belt off myself before I gave it up to pursue singing. I learnt to be agile, to fight and to defend. I also rode horses from the age of 8, and any horseman or woman will know that strength is fundamental to being a safe and successful rider.
There is nothing more reassuring or empowering as a woman than knowing you can lift your own weight, and hold your own if a fearful situation arose.
No longer is this world the one for the delicate and naive girl.
No more is it right or fair for a girl to lay down, and get herself in a situation where she has to.
And if you are a lady who is battling against too much sexual attention with fuller feminine assets, I say accentuate them with muscle and tone. Be able to defend yourself.
If you are delicate in build, it might be nicer for you and make you feel more confident to work on gaining some muscle. It can be difficult to be slight of build and quite frightening sometimes.
I myself can tell you that I struggled a bit with my change of figure when I moved from a girl to a late teenager. I was always considered one of these lanky girls when I was young. My parents thought I would be nearer their height, as my mother is a slender 5'10 Germanic woman. And I was tall for a while. Then after 17 I didn't really grow in height, but I seemed to gain hips and a bit of a bum. My father thinks it was the horse riding, my mother says it is my father's genetics. Either way, I am the shortest in my family at roughly 5'7. All I can say is, I got 'curvier' later in my teens. But I was always reluctant to build any muscle. I didn't know what was missing, and I didn't quite realise the importance of it, as I think most women don't, until I got to a point when I felt lethargic and I lost confidence in my physique. This is where I found pole dancing at 19, at my lowest point. I took a risk and it paid off. I did something I never thought I could ever do and I now can't live without it. I've had to be strong to get anywhere with it, and it demands so much out of you. I had to buy a pull up bar for my door - the best thing I can recommend to anyone - in order to be able to get past a certain point with pole dancing.
The sexualisation of women will never change. We have a beauty that will always be sought after. It is only nature. But we can change our defence and our capabilities.
Being fit and strong gives a woman a confidence. It makes her feel as if she can look after herself. As a now 21 year old girl, I see the importance more and more. Especially as I am a girl attempting to find a way in a predominantly male industry. I'm sure so many women go through this dilemma. And I don't blame the men, and I never will. It's not about eliminating the challenge by hurling textbook feminism at people and stopping the fight dead, it's not about rebelling and getting naked and overly sexual in front of people to show you are 'empowered' and you are happy being the postmodern puppet you sadly come across as, because this will just mean that you lose your battles. Respect drops and you become just another casualty.
I've grown up with a mother who has moved around a lot in her life, and studied feminist literature at university, and I must say that it has definitely been educational. Having a strong character for a mother is good for a girl. But it has also made me realise that it is important not to get unnecessarily trapped in an cage. To not pick a fight where one isn't needed. And not to throw the blame around so much.
Introspection is key. Reflecting in yourself and who you want to be, what you want to achieve. We are in an age of blame. It's always someone else's fault, and someone always needs to pay the price. What ever happened to just making mistakes? To people apologising for the past and moving on? To people admitting fault and someone saying, you know what? It's OK, no one was hurt, we can all just learn something from this and hopefully it won't happen again.
The best attack is a strong, but also forgiving, defense. And this is where I say yet again that as a girl and student in a really really insecure position in her life, nothing has made me feel stronger and more equipped for the mayhem that is to come than having a good foundation of strength, self-confidence, fitness, health and knowledge. And these things are all simple and achievable. I can tell you that, with a pull up bar and a yoga mat, you can get to a good peak of fitness. You don't need a gym membership or expensive personal trainer. Go on Amazon, spend just 20 pounds, and you won't need to pay again.
Knowledge? We are blessed with the internet at our fingertips, if you can't afford an extensive physical library. Drop your trashy, male-ideal influenced magazines and read arcticles, educational videos and blogs, and get clued up. Never have individuals had so much power if they want to take it. We have everything we need. We are so lucky.
And I know it's tough financially. We are in a rut when it comes to searching for money. I have just gotten my loan through, and the whole thing will disappear on my rent. I am at zero. I am a waitress part time so I have something to eat and can pay the extra bills which are always so much more than you expect. I am grateful for whatever I'm given when it comes to finances. I have always worked since I was 15, because that's just how it should be. Sometimes it makes me sad, but then why should it be any other way? I don't agree with today's 'fast-track mentality'. Especially in the music industry. But that's a whole other blog, due for another day.
I guess what I want to say is, don't play to anyone else's ideals other than your own. Be the best you can be, and be safe and confident in yourself.

Stay strong.

AKC x